Tuesday 23 August 2016

On not being French


This blog began its process towards its current incarnation many years ago under the title 'Conversations from France'. Admittedly, it was a misleading title as I had no readership, no followers, no conversations. That would have been hard, as I kept my writing to myself. The stories were penned, I now understand, to help with my recovery from illness.

Today, Paulita, left a comment about my blog and book title on a post by French Village Diaries. This is what she wrote:

I didn't know there was a book, only a blog, so I'll be interested to look for it. I've always wondered where the emphasis goes on this sentence. But YOU are in France, Madame. or But you ARE in France, Madame. or But you are in FRANCE, Madame.

And here was my answer:

Hi Paulita, Catherine here. The title 'But you are in France, Madame' came from a conversation that I was having with one of my daughter's teachers. It came after a few exchanges, and was said with only the slightest lilt over the word France and a big questioning smile. Unarguable!

I knew that I had first written the words to what became the book title in one of my original 'Conversations', so I fossicked through my files today. This, from 2011, is what I found:

Waiting at the school gate this afternoon with one of the teachers, whose job was to supervise the exit of the students, we started talking education. Hesitantly, I suggested that the curriculum did not seem to have changed much since I was last here teaching some twenty years ago. In a moment of refreshing candour she remarked that it was probably more like two hundred years with no change. 

There is a mark accorded out of twenty for most pieces of work that the students complete and parents and children alike constantly compare their moyenne or average overall mark. In some schools, if a student is not doing well, there are soutien or support classes, but in most cases the classroom teacher is not expected to cater for the different ability levels in the classroom. If a child does poorly on a piece of work, comments, such as the one word appraisal ‘catastrophe’ next to the mark, leave nothing to the imagination, nor to the self-esteem. The idea that a child might respond to praise, or to a warm relationship with the teacher is not the norm.

I went to a parent-teacher interview yesterday afternoon to discuss this exact point. I was on time and my daughter showed me up to her teacher’s classroom. He was chatting to another teacher when we appeared and made no real effort to come and greet us, so we waited patiently. When he did come out into the corridor he did not introduce himself, shake hands or engage in conversation. He indicated that the meeting would take place downstairs and headed off with us in tow.

Before sitting down, I introduced myself using my first name and put out my hand to be shaken. He mumbled back his full name as he took my hand, although I suspect he would have been shocked if I had actually dared use it.  There was no animosity or impoliteness from either of us, but he did look surprised at the frankness with which I spoke. He came across as someone sure of himself in his role of teacher but not a self-confident man. It wouldn’t have shocked me to read a poster on the walls listing the rules of the meeting, number one being ‘you are talking to a school teacher and his methods and practices are not to be questioned.’ Of course I did though, question him and, with the assurance of a perfect, unarguable answer, he replied "But you are in France, Madame."

As a justification, this answer seems to be all that is required, not just in a school context but everywhere. I recall a newspaper article that my husband and I were discussing wherein a Frenchman became unruly on a flight after having consumed too much alcohol. He refused to accept that he should abide by the rules for all passengers and be served no more alcohol. His argument to support his position was simply “But I am French.”

On holidays, we stopped to visit the castle of Chambord. Arriving mid-morning, we thought that it might be nice to have a coffee before going into the castle. There were several restaurants and cafés to choose from and the owner of one was out the front getting ready for his lunchtime service. Some instinct made me ask if it would be possible to order just coffee, before we sat down and made ourselves comfortable. “Of course not, I am far too busy and have got too much to do before midday.” I should have known that coffee time had passed. I had been put in my you-are-in-France-Madame place yet again.

Many a similar story abounds, in the travel folklore, of unhelpful Frenchmen. Why is this so? I live here and have many good friends who are French, but until you can prove yourself as someone of interest, which can be hard if you are an English speaker, you do risk being brushed off with a “But you are not French, this is the way we do it here” incomprehension. 

Funnily enough, I was once the target of ‘being French’ discrimination. My sister, speaking English to the sales assistant in Galeries Lafayette, could not have been better served. She was offered gift-wrapping and a smile. I was up next and spoke French. I was offered neither a smile nor coloured paper and ribbon. When I asked if my gift could be wrapped, too, I was told that I would have to go and line up at another counter. At that point, I would have liked to have slapped down on the counter my written assessment and mark out of twenty for her. She wouldn’t have made the moyenne.


To jump back to the present with many years of French living under our belt, I can better understand a lot of the differences that I was dealing with at that time. There is no point in pretending that we will ever be French, but learning the secrets of 'being in France' makes me a very happy Madame.



14 comments:

  1. Absolutely true! And education....when my kid was being bullied, I went to talk to the teacher. He denied that any bullying was taking place. I had found out about it not from my kid but from another parent, whose child had told her mother my kid was getting beaten up at school. The teacher said that if anything was wrong, it was my kid's fault for not speaking up. He saw no need to talk to the bully nor the bully's parents. I wasn't very satisfied with his response, so I made an appointment with the principal. After that, all hell broke loose, as the teacher blew up the next time he saw me for having "gone behind his back." I told him it wasn't behind his back, I went over his head. Anyway, I got a lot of stuff about how in France things are different, and that I needed to follow protocol, etc.
    I also get a lot of the "you don't know how to cook because you're American," though most people say I'm a good cook. But for certain people, it's a last resort for one-upmanship.

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    1. I hope through my blog that I have always been fair in what I have written at the same time as demonstrating how passionate I am about France. As a teacher, though, I did struggle in France with the rigidity of the educational practices and the formal relationships between the staff and the parent body. As for my cooking, perhaps fortunately, I never had to pretend. Most people are better than me!

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  2. What I find so enjoyable about stories like yours, Catherine, and the blogs of other expats is how bravely and well people bring their best intentions along with their original culture to France, and somehow it all works out - with some frustration, yes - but with a lot of laughter and satisfaction all told. A life that blends two cultures is a richer life.

    Ellen A. (aka Kiwi) atinyhouseinnormandy.com

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    1. I really hope that we get to meet one day, Ellen. You write with style and truth and I'd love to spend a few hours sharing stories. As I wrote in the final chapter of my book, "Five of us had gone to France, had lived in, loved and left France. But, changed as we were, we knew that our France would be carried with us, in our hearts and in our habits, wherever we were." Richer, yes, very much so.

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  3. Wow to all of that! Maybe it's a good thing that I don't speak much French so that I don't know what people may be saying about me. Ignorance is bliss! I look forward to reading your book in the near future. I just love the cover!

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    1. Hi Cheryl, I loved speaking French. I still do. There is a very large French community here in Sydney, which I adore being a part of. Initially, in France, it was hard work and very tiring, particularly in social settings. But, the struggle to speak French was probably what gave the richness to our experience and a deeper understanding of living à la française.

      You might know the exact place that the photo for the book cover was taken. We were on holiday in Noyers-sur-Serein, and my husband snapped this picture of my son, as we were heading off to the truffle market! Originally, I outsourced the cover creation and was happy with the cover that was proposed, but still felt that there was something that was more personal, more us, still to be found. This photo, made to look like a water colour was, for me anyway, perfect!

      Thanks, as always, for taking the time to read and comment.

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    2. I absolutely fell in love with Noyers-sur-Serein on my very first trip to France!!! I can't wait to read the book. I do wish I spoke fluent French in all honesty. But I keep trying to learn a little more each year. I should take a class for sure. I like learning a little on the program Duolingo in the meantime.

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    3. Hi again Cheryl, Noyers-sur-Serein is a beautiful village, no doubt, plus there is so much to do in the area. The chapters 'Les vacances de la Toussaint' and 'Charles and Cheese' are mostly set in Bourgogne. I hope for you when you are reading them it will be a little like going home! Do persevere with the French. If you were here in Sydney I'd love to be your tutor!

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  4. I wondered where the title came from. I wonder why she didn't go ft wrap your package? That's going to have me pondering for some time.
    In some ways I appreciate this French stubbornness. In the UK we have encouraged a culture of bending over backwards and I wonder how good that is for children and integration, the French are very welcoming though and I also like that they aren't susceptible to the latest teaching fad. Wonderful to hear your thoughts.

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    1. Hi Andrea, I completely understand your position. In teaching, we have done a lot of 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater', but for me, the most important and memorable part of the educative process has always been the relationships with the students. How many of us in later years remember a particular lesson as opposed to a teacher that made a difference? There were many things that I was happy for my children to concentrate on in their French schools, such as reciting their poetry and learning their grammar and we accepted that it was our choice to be there, so we had no reason to complain. I'm looking forward to reading more about your French life, when the Internet allows!

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    2. I hope this comment works, I think my previous attempt went into cyber space! Was just wanting to agree with Andrea, that it was nice hearing the story behind the title - I can almost hear the conversation where that phrase gets used, an attempt to stop you dead and invite no further comment. Also am wondering about the sales assistant in Galeries Lafayette being friendly to your sister and unfriendly to you? Sure puts a spoke in the theory that French people treat you better when you try to speak their language.... Regards from Afrique du Sud, Jeanne

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    3. Hi Jeanne, You know how much affection I have for France, but, the service orientation was not always what I was used to in other countries. That said, I will continue to speak French. I love it too much not to.

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  5. Oh, I've just discovered your blog, and now I will try and track down your book! A few years ago I lived in France for a year on a teachers' award, and it was amazing! But not without its dramas, mainly to do with officialdom - the story of my efforts to get a carte de sejour is a tale to tell indeed! I love France, and go back whenever I can. Greetings from New Zealand. Alison.

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  6. Hi Alison and thank-you so much for your message. Do stay in touch and feel free to email me also to continue chatting (cb222@me.com). It seems like we have a lot in common - France, teaching, dramas! Would love to hear your story.

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